Today’s guest on the Drill will examine the morals of Ronald Regan’s 1980s America and the loss of conservatism in today’s world. Just kidding. Actually, today’s guest is an award-nominated author who will talk about clowns, Spam and Stokers, not in that order. Strap in, folks, it’s time to to take a spin through Bizarro land…

The 2-Minute Drill is 5 quick questions and 5 quick answers from someone you probably haven’t heard of, but should hear from. This isn’t some rambling, long-winded author interview here. We dispense with the pleasantries and get down to brass tacks. We ask the tough questions and get the tough answers that you need to know.

We are very pleased to welcome Jeremy C. Shipp, whose most recent novel CURSED was just nominated for the Bram Stoker Award for superior achievement in a novel. That’s quite an honor for a guy who obssesses over lawn gnomes and the evil clowns living in his attic. We really should get to it before he goes charging back up his attic stairs with a shotgun again.

2-MD: One tradition we have here on the Drill is we like to reveal the initials in authors’ names, but instead of embarrassing you, we figured we’ll just let you do it yourself. What does the ‘C.’ stand for in Jeremy C. Shipp? And just a word of caution – don’t lie, because we’ll find out and then expose your secret to the world.

JCS: One of these is correct: Carriwitchet, Cookie Monster, Callipygian, Care Bear, Cockyolly, Coconut Monkey, Codology, Christopher, Cruciverbalism, Cocoa Puffs. (2-MD: Our money was on Canker Sore. You just cost us $50. Thanks, pal.)

2-MD: OK, an actual, serious question here: When someone asks for an explanation of bizarro fiction, is it proper and/or accurate to pinch their cheeks and tell them what a cute little baby they are, then slap their hands and run in tight circles while making ambulance siren noises? ‘Cause that’s what we’ve been doing lately.

JCS: The short answer is: yes. The longer is: yes, that is quite appropriate. What you described is actually the super secret Bizarro handshake, which is passed down from generation to generation, in an Albertsons reusable shopping bag.

2-MD: If we decided to invite you over for dinner (and don’t get all excited yet, we said if), would you prefer the Welsh rarebit, or the Cocoa Pebbles? Or are you one of those ‘order-off-the-menu’ types?

Spam - it's what's for dinner.

JCS: I never eat rarebit without Cocoa Pebbles sprinkled on top. Oh, and I’d love a side of spambled eggs, if that’s not too much to ask. (2-MD: You’re in luck! Leftovers from last Wednesday’s breakfast are still in the fridge!)

2-MD: We understand each book you’ve written was its own separate journey, but some stories write themselves and some tend to be more laborious and difficult. Of these stories, (check out his website, there’s a bunch to read) is there one that you want to flip the middle finger to every time you see it because of the anguish and stress you experienced during its creation?

JCS: My story “Camp” kicked my spleen, the way summer camp kicked my spleen when I was a kid. With “Camp,” I had to be extra careful with my reveals.

2-MD: So, the Stoker, huh? Were you surprised by the nomination for CURSED? Did you maybe make a little pee-pee in your pants when you first found out? It’s OK, you can be honest. No one will read this.

JCS: I was surprised and honored and thrilled by the nomination. When I heard the news, I peed, pooped, and vomited, all at the same time. It was a disgusting, wonderful moment for me. (2-MD: Good tip here – if you’re ever under consideration for a major award, keep some Oops I Crapped My Pants on hand just in case…)

What? That’s five already? Damn, that was more fun than we thought it would be. Maybe we’ll break the rules just this once and throw in one more question for extra credit: Beer snob or wine snob, and what’s your most bestest favoritest vintage?

JCS: I only drink water, fruit juice, and clown juice - preferably squeezed from the corpse of a clown who died in 1922. (2-MD: 1922 was a good year for clowns.)

Jeremy was very excited over his Stoker nomination. A little too excited.